Early Onset

After the twins went to bed I went grocery shopping at Meijer.  Shopping at Meijer always takes a bit of extra energy from me.  It's too big and too busy and too unfriendly.  I shop there, though, because, barring the Farmers Market -- where I also shop, they have the best produce and prices in town.  So, given my limited budget, I shop at there.  

So tonight I went and worked my way up and down the aisles, occasionally going back to previous aisles from which I forgot to find things.  It was slow and I was tired.  After I got to the checkout lane, waited for the women in front of me, unloaded my groceries, and watched the teller start my groceries, I reached for my wallet.  It wasn't there.  I checked all my pockets, but I knew it was no use.  It wasn't there.  Sadly, this is not the first time I've done this.  It's not even the first time I've done this in 2009.  

I wonder if I have early onset Alzheimer's.  I forget things all the time I never used to forget.  I have thought of all the typical excuses polite friends make.  "Oh, you are sleep deprived because of the children." "You're just distracted."  "You have too many things going on in your life right now."  But I'm unwilling to accept these rationalizations.  Maybe it's age, and I have what some jokingly call CRS.  Maybe I don't want to be weak and think these excuses could cause my absentmindedness.  Maybe I want to believe there is something significant to blame besides myself.  An illness seems something outside of me, something I can blame.  Maybe it's the drama queen in me that proposes this idea.  But I wonder if it isn't something more than simple forgetfulness.  

The story of my shopping adventure ends with kindness. The teller, Jackie, asked where I lived, and I told her.  She told me I could get my wallet and then pay for the groceries.  Then she rang up my items and had an employee put them in the freezer.  She told me when I returned to seek her out and simply pay.  It was the nicest experience I have had at Meijer.